Insanities of Shinra
by Red-Rhapsodos
Summary: A collection of short stories about the insanity that occurs within and around Shinra and Midgar. Will include a lot of Zack and Reno as they are always getting into trouble!
1. Puppies and Alcohol

A/N: Well I finally have a story to post after like 2 years, lol. And of course it's FFVII, my new obsession! It's a short story collection of whatever insanities come to mind. Will include a lot of Zack, since he is already insane XD

* * *

**Title:** Puppies and Alcohol (and Reno) Don't Mix

**Word Count: **192

**Warnings: **Minor cursing.

**Characters:** Zack and Sephiroth

Sephiroth was driving down the road, gazing bored out the window at the sights of Midgar. Some shops, an office building or two, apartment complex, Zack hanging off a light post, more shops…

Wait.

Back up.

What. The. Hell.

He slammed on his brakes and whipped the car around in a viscous u-turn that sent pedestrians running for safety. He drove back to where he'd seen his subordinate and pulled over.

"Should I even ask what happened this time?," he said stepping out of the car and walking closer to the lamp post where Zack was waving sheepishly at him.

"Eh? Probably not," answered Zack rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

"Did it involve Reno?"

"Yes…"

"And alcohol?"

"…yea…"

"Bets?"

"Maybe…"

Sephiroth turned on his heel with a sigh and began walking away.

"Hey!"

"A little help here!"

"Sephiroth?"

"Come back!"

"Seph!

.

.

.

"…Please?"


	2. Come to the Dark Side

**A/N:** This was actually the first one I came up with. It came to me when writing a very important paper for class, of course, lol.

* * *

**Title: **Come to the Dark Side...

**Word Count: **137

**Warning: **Drooling puppy XD

**Characters: **Zack, Sephiroth, and Angeal

Sephiroth sauntered over to Zack.

"Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."

Zack perked up. "Cookies?"

Sephiroth held out a chocolate chip cookie, waving it in front of Zack's face.

Zack walked toward it, drool pooling out of his mouth, only to be stopped short by Angeal grabbing his shirt collar.

"No," said Angeal, starting to drag him away.

"But he has cookies! And they're chocolate!"

"No."

"Angeeaal, come on!"

"I said no."

"But…"

"No, come along," commanded Angeal emphasizing it with a hard tug on Zack's shirt.

Zack's entire body drooped as he was dragged away. He stared after the cookie even long after Sephiroth had disappeared from view.


	3. Talk to the Hand

**A/N:** Ah, I love Sephiroth! Sending cadets and fellow soldiers screaming down halls since 1997!

* * *

**Title: **Talk to the hand

**Word Count: **98

**Warnings:** Masamune

**Characters: **Zack and Sephiroth

Zack came running into Sephiroth office, screeching to a stop in front of the large desk.

"Sephiro-"

"Stop." Sephiroth commanded, holding his hand up.

"But!"

"Unless it involves a lot of blood, fire, or mass destruction it is not important."

"Uh-"

"I said stop! Now leave!"

"Er-"

"Out!" Sephiroth stood up from his chair brandishing Masamune.

"Eeep!"

Sephiroth didn't sit back down until Zack was long gone, his wails of terror still echoing in the halls.


	4. Fish and Strip

**A/N: **And finally Reno appears!

* * *

**Title: **Fish and Strip

**Word Count:** 408

**Warnings: **Reno.

**Characters: **Zack and Reno (With minor appearances by Tseng and Sephiroth)

"Yo, Zack! I made up a new card game, you wanna try it out?" Reno yelled across the cafeteria.

"Sure, sounds like fun!"

"Great", exclaimed Reno, "meet me in the rec room tonight at 11:00!"

"Definitely."

"Awesome. See you later, I gotta run before Tseng catches me and forces more paperwork on me!"

Zack watched amused as Reno ran out of the cafeteria.

.

.

.

Zack walked into the rec room to find Reno already seated at a table.

"Grab a beer and sit down", Reno said gesturing towards the empty seat across from him.

"So what kind of game is this?" asked Zack as he sat down.

"You'll see", responded Reno with a grin.

He dealt out the cards, picked up his share and said…

"Do you have any 2's?"

"Go Fish? We're laying Go Fish? I thought you said you invented a new game!"

"Don't worry, think of this new game as Go Fish with a twist."

"A twist? What kind of twist?" Zack asked, a bit worried.

"You'll see."

That only made Zack worry more.

.

.

.

Tseng cringed as he heard Reno laughing, whenever Reno laughed it usually meant he was getting into trouble. Should he check it out? He probably didn't even want to know but…

He opened the door to the rec room with hesitation. When he saw what was inside he wished he'd decided not to check it out, this was a sight that would haunt him for years.

He saw his second in command half dressed with that annoying puppy of Angeal's dancing around, decidedly even less dressed.

Zack bounced up to him.

'Hey! Did you know that I really, really, really suck at Go Fish?"

Tseng turned towards Reno giving him the 'what did you do' look.

"I created a rule that when you go fish you have to remove a piece of clothing." Reno explained with his usual grin in place. "Fish and Strip, get it? You know, like fish n' chips?"

.

.

.

It ended with Sephiroth finding a lost puppy outside his front door, drunk off of and stripped down to his ass. Again

And Reno was banned from something. Again.

* * *

That's the last that I have written so far. If you have any ideas that you would like to see written please tell me!


	5. Never Assume

A/N: Sorry for not updating. Things have been crazy with me finally moving and then settling down. I find it funny how I've had quite a few ideas for this drabble series bouncing around in my mind for the past few months and yet the one I finally update with is one I thought up an hour ago, lol.

Anyways, I have the "Perfect Storm"/Frakenstorm heading my way so I'm crossing my fingers that we don't lose power for days! I love my laptop too much to part with it for that long .

* * *

**Title:** Never Assume, for When You Assume…

**Word Count: **250

**Warnings:** None really…

**Characters:** Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal (Finally my favorite appears *hugs Genesis tightly*) Oh and poor, poor Genesis, please feel sorry for him, lol.

There was a running bet going on between the cadets over what Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal always talked about when they ate together.

Some cadets said that they were discussing war strategies; others said that maybe they were grumbling over paperwork. A few joked that maybe they were complaining about the crappy cafeteria food and everybody laughed at that until someone finally pointed out that the Trinity were too good to eat the same food that they did. Then one scrawny boy suggested that the three Firsts were probably devising more ways to torture cadets. No one could argue with that, especially keeping in mind a certain Commander with an affinity towards fire…

But all of these assumptions, no matter how logical they were, would be wrong.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I have the longest sword."

"Yea, but mine is the biggest overall and definitely the heaviest."

"…w-well…well… mine lights up!"

There was an awkward silence as the first two stared at the third.

Sephiroth snorted and he and Angeal both looked away, shaking with laughter.

Affronted, Genesis proclaimed, "Well I AM the oldest!"

"So, but you're also the shortest," Angeal stated with a smirk.

Genesis was silent for a few moments as he fumed at his food.

"Well I have two fanclubs!" He exclaimed, jumping out of his seat holding up two fingers for emphasis.

"Mine has more members than both of yours combined," Sephiroth pointed out.

"…"

"I hate you both."

"We know," Angeal and Sephiroth said in unison, "we know."


End file.
